Khasegari: The Betrothal
The two men met over a land deal. They so admired each other’s wealth and knowledge of the world that they agreed between themselves that they should bind their friendship permanently.
Mirza Ghassem was a wealthy landowner. He was also a philosopher. He enjoyed sitting in his lush, green, and well-kept, cool garden discussing the religions of the world with, what he considered, were his disciples. He did this while they all sipped tiny glasses of tea that were served by his servants. Mirza Ghassem had a twenty-four-year-old son.
Haj Hossein was an extremely God-fearing bazaari merchant who ruled his domain, both at home and in the bazaar, with an iron fist. Although he was a kind man, he did not like being crossed by either word or deed. Amongst his assets, he had an eleven-year-old daughter who promised to blossom into an exotic flower. God had been kind to him. He had two daughters. This was his youngest and last daughter at home. He knew with beauty such as hers, she would soon be married and someone else’s responsibility.
Mirza Ghassem and Haj Hossein planned to seal their friendship by betrothing their children to each other. It was planned that Mirza Ghassem and his son should formally ask for Haj Hossein’s daughter’s hand in marriage.
The day before the event was to take place, Haj Hossein informed his wife, Mariam, of what was to occur. He himself was to shop for the finest fruit and nuts available on the market.
Mariam looked at her husband in dismay. Wasn’t it enough that he had married off their older daughter, Nahid, at such an early age? Was he now going to take away her baby? She remembered marrying at the same age. She had known nothing. She had been terrified and yet excited. She was taken to the home of her husband’s family where she was a scared little girl amongst strangers. She still recalled how she felt many years later. When her daughter Nahid was betrothed, she begged her husband to reconsider. She begged him again today. But her husband was as immovable now as he was then. Such was the fate of women. They were to obey their men at all times. Reluctantly she gave orders to make arrangements for the morrow.
That day the house was in a frenzy. Dust flew from every nook and cranny. The silver was polished to a gleam, the crystal glittered like diamonds. The carpets were cleaned so thoroughly that they looked like all the vivid colors and intricate designs would leap up and dance at a moment’s notice. The cook in the kitchen was busy outdoing herself making baklava and other sweet confections.
In the garden, the gardener was busy trimming the many bushes and mowing the lawn to manicured perfection. The heady aroma of jasmine, roses, and all the other fragrant flowers blended to announce to all who passed their garden walls that a certain important event was about to take place. Not even the chauffeur was left idle. The four Mercedes Benzes lined up in the driveway had to be carefully washed and polished in order to impress Mirza Ghassem of the importance and wealth of Haj Hossein.
The only person who was completely bewildered by all the activity surrounding her was little Minou. Each time she asked what was happening, she was told to hush. Could she not see they were all so very busy? What was going on? Why would no one answer her? Being a docile child, she shrugged her shoulders and concentrated on her studies.
The next day, when Minou came back from school, Ozra, the maid, immediately whisked her off to the public baths, the hamam. Ozra seemed to be in a state of excitement. With great relish she scrubbed Minou and tweaked her until she positively gleamed. Her skin shone as if from an inner light. Her long black hair looked like polished ebony. All the while Ozra commented on how Minou had grown up. It was time she put away her childish ways. The poor girl was quite bewildered as to the reason for these comments and all the activity surrounding her. Silently she wondered.
Upon their return, the girl was greeted by Nahid. Her older sister had come for a visit. This was an uncommon occurrence, since she never came to visit at this time of day. She had her own young family to take care of and her husband would soon be home and would require her attention. Her sister hugged her and complimented her looks. She even offered to arrange her hair. Minou was astonished. No one had ever complimented her looks before. Moreover, Nahid was combing her hair to fall softly around her shoulders, instead of being braided tightly down her back. And why was she applying kohl to her big brown eyes? Why was she telling her that she was approaching womanhood, that in fact she was now a grown-up?
As Nahid gently combed her sister’s hair, she thought of the day she had received her husband’s suit. How young she had been! How innocent. When she first saw her future husband that day, she only saw an older man. She could not conceive the idea of marrying him. She was not able to imagine the life that she would live with him and his family. How afraid of them she had been, and how terrified of the marriage bed! She vividly recalled the night of her wedding. No one had instructed her on the arts of the conjugal bed. When they consummated their marriage that first night, the guests waited outside. Her husband had opened the door and handed her mother a cloth with proof of her virginity. The mother displayed it proudly for all the guests to see. Outside the door, the women ululated loudly and happily. They sang and clapped their hands. Inside the bedroom she felt hot with shame. She would never forget that moment. She felt she could never forgive her mother for putting her in such a situation. But as the years went by she became used to married life and thought of that moment as a passage that every young girl had to experience. It was part of every female’s life. She asked her mother to allow her to tell Minou of what was to pass. Her mother tearily allowed her to do so. Today she was to tell her little sister that she was about to receive her first suitor.
When Minou heard this, she quivered inwardly. Grown up! She was grown up! She was receiving her first suitor, and an important one at that, judging by all the activity about her. A thrill ran through her slight girlish body. She, the baby of the family, was no longer a baby! She would be married soon! She would wear a lovely wedding gown and she would be the center of attention. They would make a trousseau for her and fuss over her. She was thrilled! She was ecstatic!
In the midst of all these thoughts dancing through her head, her mother walked in and gave her little Minou a long, wistful look. Mariam’s heart was heavy. Over and over she begged her husband to reconsider this proposal. He was wrenching her baby daughter away from her. What does an eleven-year-old slip of a girl know about life, marriage, and bearing children? Mariam was a mature thirty-seven years old. She had borne her husband eight children and was a grandmother several times over. She knew that times had changed. Her daughter did not have to get married at such a tender age. She heard that families in the north of Tehran were more enlightened. They allowed their daughters to become educated and married at an older age. Perhaps it was not a good idea to give a girl too much education, but why couldn’t she keep her daughter a little longer by her side? Why must she send her to a mother-in-law to order her about? But her husband, a strong but good man, believed that the role of the wife is to obey her husband. He did not like to be disobeyed and definitely knew how to show his displeasure. So she obeyed. In order to carry out the instructions given her implicitly, she assumed a stern look as she advised Minou to cover herself up well with her chador. She was not to linger in the room where her suitor was any longer than necessary. She was to serve tea to the guests with her eyes lowered modestly and not look at anyone. Did Minou understand?
Minou looked at her mother and yearned to ask her so many questions. Who was this person coming to ask for her hand in marriage? Did she know him? Why did they not tell her beforehand of their plans? Was he handsome? Was he young? Did her mother like him?
Just at that moment, a bustle of activity was heard in the garden. The mother and her older daughter hurried out of the third-floor bedroom and down the stairs to welcome the guests in the salon. As they left, Minou darted to the window which overlooked the garden. Her heart beat furiously as she peered out. She saw four people walking in. There was an elderly couple who were obviously the parents, and two young men. One of the men was tall, lean, and suave-looking. He wore a suede jacket and a beige shirt opened at the throat, and dark tan, sharply creased trousers. He walked with a slight swagger. The other young man was slightly shorter and chubbier. He wore a navy pinstriped suit, white shirt, and paisley patterned tie. He did not seem to be too much at ease. He walked with his head bowed to the ground.
Oh, which one was him? Which one could it be? She rather hoped it was the taller one. He was better looking. She would soon find out. Quietly, she scampered down the stairs and into the kitchen. She waited breathlessly to be summoned to serve the tea as custom dictated.
Meanwhile, in the salon, the suitor was nervously looking about him. He wondered what his bride looked like. Could he refuse marriage if he did not like her looks? But that would disappoint his father. His father had set his heart on this match. It would be a great asset to their family. At that moment the door opened. A mature woman entered followed by a young girl. After bidding them a warm welcome and offering them some sweets, they sat quietly. His father asked if the young lady was the ‘aroos khanom,’ the lady bride? Ahmed’s ears pricked up. If she was the bride, she was very pretty. He would not mind having her as his wife. His hopes were dashed all too soon. Haj Hossein introduced her as his eldest daughter, Nahid Khanom. She was married and a mother.
A quarter of an hour passed in polite conversation. Once more the door opened. In stepped a little slip of a girl covered in a semi-transparent white floral chador. She was carrying a large tray of tea which was almost bigger and heavier than herself. And who may this be, his father once more asked? This little thing was the ‘aroos khanom.’ Ahmed was dismayed! Was he supposed to be playing with dolls? Why, this child had not even developed a woman’s body! He loved and respected his father very much, but he had imagined a woman who looked somewhat like Audrey Hepburn, a somewhat sophisticated and good-looking woman. Would he dare defy his father on this matter? His father, on the other hand, was delighted! Besides all the money this match would bring into the family business, this child was as soft as malleable clay. She would be molded into anything Ahmed wished. This was definitely the perfect alliance.
As Minou served the tea, she furtively looked upon the faces of the two young men. Was no one going to satisfy her curiosity? Which one was the prospective groom? Having served the tea, she sat next to her sister and lowered her eyes shyly. No one introduced her to the bridegroom. Instead, her future mother-in-law began asking her questions pertaining to cooking and housekeeping. The woman sat ramrod straight. She asked her questions somewhat sternly. She did not want to give the impression that she was a soft mother-in-law. The time for being nice to her would come later. Now she demanded love and respect. Minou was sure she had made a mess of things, for she knew little of such matters. They were just beginning to teach her. She would not get married! She would not wear a bridal gown! She would not be considered a grown-up any longer. She was almost on the verge of tears, but as she looked into the face of her interrogator, it dawned on her: she had not done too badly. Moreover, her mother’s look told her she had stayed the required time. She rose, excused herself, bowed her head to the guests respectfully, and left the room.
Her heart fluttered in her chest, like a little bird trapped in a cage. She went back to the kitchen. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She was breathless. She felt as if her life hung uncertainly in limbo. It suddenly struck her that she would have to leave the parental home, the sweet love of her mother, and all that was dear and familiar. She would enter a strange home and start life amongst people she did not know, complete strangers! A wave of panic swept over her. Would she be happy? Would she be able to make her future husband care about her? How would she be able to bear being away from her loving family? I am only a young girl, she thought. I am only eleven years old! Tears of panic sprang behind her closed eyelids.
At a polite interval, her sister, Nahid, followed her into the kitchen. Quietly, they tiptoed upstairs to Minou’s bedroom. Nahid thought of her betrothal six years ago. She remembered the suspense she felt, the not knowing what would happen. She remembered the fear she felt of the unknown. She would not allow her sister to be kept in such a state! She hugged her little sister. She told her she was to marry the young man in the striped suit. His name is Ahmed. He seemed to be kind and sort of shy. Didn’t Minou think so? The sisters huddled together whispering with each other until Minou adjusted to the idea of this young man becoming an integral part of her life.
And so it was that in the summer of 1979, Ahmed and Minou became engaged. They were allowed to get acquainted with each other before they wed. Ahmed witnessed his betrothed become more and more beautiful as she matured into a young lady. Minou became used to going to her future husband’s home and getting acquainted with her new family. By the time they married, they had mutual respect and love for each other. They married three years later and for all I know, they are living happily ever after.